9/3 Relief Society Presidency Lesson: Work in Unity to Help Those in Need - Dealing with Anxiety by Megan J.

Relief Society helps prepare women for the blessings of eternal life as they:...Work in unity to help those in need.

In the scriptures there are reference to things being hard and things not being known. The unknown can bring fear and anxiety.

In Mosiah, he says let me tell you what you can know. The gospel has been restored and it is true. The Savior is in
our lives. These are things what we can know and what we can count on.

What do we know?

Moses 1:39 WE are God’s work and glory
D&C 29:31-32 God creates first spiritually, then temporally
2 Nephi 2:11 Opposition exists in ALL things
3 Nephi 18:19 Christ is the one to go to for understanding

2 Nephi 2:26 We are free to act - agency

What specific truths of the Gospel have helped you in facing a challenge?

Alice M.

I remember back when I first joined the church it was the beginning of a hymn God loves us so he sent his son. This is what I carried with me.

Jen P.

I am reminded of a scripture that inspired me to go on a mission.  D&C “By the fire of my indignation will I protect them.” This inspired me to go out into the world and teach people things I was still learning myself. His arm is our arm.  He will help our enemies fall under our feet in the form of trials and troubles.

Alex B.

Joseph Smith in liberty jail. Heaven and hearth will combine to hedge up thy way.  Knowing that Christ is there beside me makes everything better.

Megan F.

I feel like something I remind myself of every day is that God doesn’t care if I have like Chocolate on my couch. I try to just keep eternal perspective that all that matters is your relationship with God and that everything else is important. Nothing you have in this life you can take with you. 

What are some of the practical methods you’ve been inspired to seek for help with anxiety or similar challenges?

Suzi J.

This is something Gordon taught me.  Growing up Dad had a temper.   Somehow this seemed then justified that then you can “lose” your temper. Gordon says no you can DECIDE how you react to things.  No, you can choose.  It is not just how you are.  It never occurred to me that you can choose to NOT react in a temper filled way.  We just celebrated our 21^st anniversary. Deciding how I want to react to things has been the deciding factor in our relationship.  I ask myself, “Why am I feeling this thing”  Usually it is anxiety based.  Sort of creating distance btw. an event and a reaction.  The feelings you often feel in your brain is actually a lie.  Challenging those ideas and working in your mind to create space – play detective a little bit.  What is this bringing up in me?  I feel like my spirit is more generous.  When I was young I was quick to judge people. This is probably fairly common to people in their 20’s …but this practice has given me a greater sense of God’s love.

Then, when really bad things happen, then your whole life is not a house of cards that will collapse.  You are able to then stay steady. 

This takes practice. 

Yes, this is really a training.  WE have been in training w/ a therapist for Hugh for 2 years.  So it has been really great. This is the whole thing w/ anxiety – to create space btw. what you’re feeling and how you thinking about it.

The two quotes below were from Jane Mitchell's RS Workshop and my personal meeting with her.  If anyone wants to borrow the book by Virginia Pearce, I can lend it to them!

Virginia Pearce, Through His Eyes: Rethinking What You Believe About Yourself
President Hinckley said: “Each of us is largely the product of his or her beliefs. Our behavior is governed by these beliefs. They become our standards of conduct.”

Our behavior grows out of our beliefs. Will you accept an invitation to inquire after truth as we poke around to discover our own individual beliefs?

To be an inquirer after truth is a journey outside as well as inside of ourselves. …It requires the periodic exercise of “taking everything out of the closet” of our minds and purposefully returning only that which is actually true. Over and over again. Things that aren’t true tend to creep into the great storage vaults of our minds, making it more difficult for us to see and use the great truths that belong there.

Inquiring after truth is a lifelong journey. Because there is no end to truth, we will expect to continually see new truths or to understand old truths more fully and deeply. We will constantly be evaluating and integrating new truths, and evaluating and discarding partial truths and lies.

Will you join me in acting as an energetic inquirer after truth? Would you be willing to look deeply into your own mind and do a little reevaluating, discovering, sorting, sifting, discarding, and acquiring? An orderly mind devoid of clutter and operating with useful truth will feel good—very good.

Byron Katie, Loving What Is
I have never experienced a stressful feeling that wasn’t caused by attaching to an untrue thought. Behind every uncomfortable feeling, there’s a thought that isn’t true for us. “The wind shouldn’t be blowing.” “My husband should agree with me.”

…Through the process of inner inquiry, we discover that many concepts and judgments we believe (or take for granted) are distortions of things are they really are. When we believe our thoughts instead of what is really true, we experience emotional distress. That suffering is a natural alarm, warning us that we’re attaching to an untrue thought; when we don’t listen, we come to accept this distress as an inevitable part of life. It is not.

This process of inquiry allows our mind to notice each stressful thought and undo it before it can cause any suffering. Our internal arguments with reality disappear, and we find that what remains is love—love for ourselves, for other people, and for whatever life brings.

…The first step is to write down your judgments about any stressful situation in your life, past, present, or future—about a person you dislike or worry about, a situation with someone who frightens or frustrates you. Write your judgments down, just the way you think them, without trying to censor your thoughts.

Then, begin to inquire about those judgments and thoughts. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

2. How do you react when you think that thought?

3. Who would you be without the thought?

Then, turn it around: what is reality? What is the real truth here?

Keep asking the question and wait. Let the answer find you. When the mind asks sincerely, the heart will respond.

Helpful article from lds.org: Anxiety and Anxiety Disorders

Other resources: Podcasts (The Alison Show, This American Life, Audible), meditation (Apps: Insight Timer, I Sleep Easy), exercise, counseling (contact Megan for LDS recommendations in the area), Visiting Teachers & others, "Seek ye out of the best books", service, journaling

On a personal note if anyone ever wants to talk in person with me about anxiety, depression or related challenges, please know you can!  You are not alone!  I would also love to hear your successes and experience dealing with anxiety around starting a new job, supporting & preparing to give care to aging parents and dating.  We need each other!

Just to conclude, the comparison btw. hope and the hurt – we have prophets that tell us things we CAN know.  There is a lot of hurt AND hope through these challenges. The one who has experienced ALL hurt and ALL hope that we can turn to the Savior.  I hope you will rely on him and go to him.  It is a priority of the Savior to give this to you. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

"Trust in the Lord and Lean Not" and "Stand Up Inside and Be All In"- June 4, 2017

Suzi led our discussion of the April 2017 General Conference talks "Trust in the Lord and Lean Not" by Bonnie H. Cordon and "Stand Up Inside and Be All In" by Elder Gary B. Sabin

Leaps of Faith
There are many times in life when we must trust in the Lord's plan when we need to jump. We may have doubts and fear but we must move forward trusting we will be supported.

Elder Sabin says the Lord requires "our whole heart! When we are baptized, we are fully immersed as a symbol of our promise to fully follow the Savior, not half-heartedly. When we are fully committed and “all in,” heaven shakes for our good. When we are lukewarm or only partially committed, we lose out on some of heaven’s choicest blessings."

Elder Sabin warns: "When we are complacent with our covenants, we are complicit with the consequences."

Sister Cordon suggests way we can trust in the Lord:
*Feast on the words of christ
*Come to know the Lord and trust in him through prayer
*Serve others

Sisters were able to share many sacred stories of times when they had to trust in the Lord and were supported 

"The Language of the Gospel" by Elder Valeri V. Cordon- May 28, 2017

Sister Miller led our discussion using the April 2017 General Conference talk by Elder Valeri V. Cordon "The Language of the Gospel"

Learning a New Language-
 The question was posed- What has helped you learn a new language?
     *Practice
     *Immersion
     *Studying every day
     *Relying on the spirit
     *Reading the Book of Mormon in another language
     *Try no matter what and don't give up
What has helped you retain the second language?
     *You have to continually use it and speak it or you lose it
     *Without continual practical experience, it doesn't stick.
   
Learning a new language is not easy, but worth it! We can liken learning a new language to learning and retaining the language of the gospel. How do you learn the language of the gospel?

Elder Cordon relates how he noticed when he moved with his family to the United States that many families lose their native language by the third generation. He does not want us to slowly lose the language of the gospel through the generations.

What do we need to do to retain the language of our Heavenly Father and the feelings and testimony we had when we came to the gospel?

Elder Cordon suggests we start with the basics!
1. Be more diligent and concerned at home
2. Strong Modeling in the home
3. Traditions- Avoid traditions that pull you away from the gospel and focus on traditions that help you draw closer to Christ

What keeps us strong in the gospel everyday?
-Pray and read from the scriptures (even listen to them on audio if you are busy)
-Live the gospel daily
-Read the Book of Mormon every day
-Exercise an increase of love when dealing with your children and try to be a Christ-like example so the spirit can be stronger in your home
-Share the gospel with others continually

Elder Cordon reminds us to have family home evening regularly so that your children can have a foundation in the gospel and receive the teachings they need to build their testimony

"Powerful teaching is extremely important to preserve the gospel in our families, and it requires diligence and effort." -Elder Cordon

Parenting Series Notes 4/18: “Positive and non-confrontational discipline for all ages: avoiding daily battles, dealing with anger and finding alternatives to punishment” by Jen W.

Positive Discipline - Reducing drama, connecting and teaching your children

True Principles:

• Elder James Faust: In my opinion, the teaching, rearing, and training of children requires more intelligence, intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance, and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life. This is especially so when moral foundations of honor and decency are eroding around us. To have successful homes, values must be taught, and there must be rules, there must be standards, and there must be absolutes. Every child is different and unique. I do not know who is wise enough to say what discipline is too harsh or what is too lenient except the parents of the children themselves, who love them most. It is a matter of prayerful discernment for the parents. Certainly the overarching and undergirding principle is that the discipline of children must be motivated more by love than by punishment.
• D&C 121:
• 41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
  42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
  43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

God’s Pattern of Discipline

• Persuasion
• Long-Suffering
• Gentleness
• Meekness
• Sincere Love (love unfeigned)
• Kindness
• Reprimand:
• When directed by Spirit
• Must be followed by increase of love
• Brigham Young counseled, “If you are ever called upon to chasten a person, never chasten beyond the balm you have within you to bind up.”

Application of Principles: Positive Discipline

• Positive Discipline IS:
• Based on Adlerian psychology
• A specific philosophy/method
• Awareness of child’s brain devleopment
• Focuses on behavior AND belief behind the behavior
• Collection of methods to effectively teach kids how to be competent, capable adults
• “Children do better when they feel better.”
• Positive Discipline is NOT:
• Permissive parenting
• Praising child for everything
• “Children do better after they feel worse.”

What kind of home are you building?

• Walls: limits, consequences
• Foundation: belonging and significance
• Roof: connection, dignity and respect
• Windows and doors: see inside, ask questions

Foundation: Alderian Psychology

Alfred Adler, Viennese medical doctor, late 1800s

• Primary goal of all people is TO BELONG and TO FEEL SIGNIFICANT and people make mistakes in their efforts to overcome a feeling of inferiority.  He believed the best way to change behavior is from the inside out (internal motivators).
• Everyone should be treated with dignity and respect.
• All behavior is goal oriented
• A misbehaving child is a discouraged child

Discussion:

• Belonging
• What do people do to make you feel you belong in a group?
• What can others do to make you feel you don’t belong in a group?
• Significance
• What makes you feel significant in a group?
• What can people do to make you feel insignificant in a group?
• Application
• How do you know your children feel they belong? What behaviors do they display?
• How can you tell if your children feel significant? What behaviors do they display?

What lesson do I want to teach right now?

“Goal of discipline is NOT to give a consequence. It’s to teach a lesson -- whether it’s about self-control, the importance of sharing, acting responsibly or anything else.” (No-drama Discipline)

Careful of “piggybacking” lessons . . .  (e.g., you want your child to do homework, which reminds you that he also hasn’t cleaned his room, or practiced his piano, etc. etc.)

How can I best teach this lesson?

• Consider child’s age & developmental stage
• Emotion Coaching
• Identify/Label Emotion
• Normalize the Emotion
• Feel the Emotion.
• Problem Solve.
• Move on.
• Connect
• Redirect

Walls: Limits and Consequences

• Kind & Firm
• I know you don’t want to stop playing, and it’s time for dinner.
• I know you’d rather play with lego than do your homework, and your homework needs to be done first.
• Decide what you will do & notify in advance
• Family Meetings
• Training
• Limited choices

Roof: Connection

• Communicate/Comfort - Validate - Listen - Reflect

Favorite Parenting Tools:

• Talk less. Smile More.
• 7 words.
• Try again.
• Yes? Instead of What?
• Describe.

Pre-teens & Teens:

• Outburst is usually result of a lack of connection in some area of their life
• Sometimes, just be near. Let them be “alone” next to you.

Positive Discipline Resources

Websites/Online Parenting Classes

Jane Nelson

Positivediscipline.com

Amy McCready

Positiveparentingsolutions.com

Dan Siegel

http://www.drdansiegel.com/home/

Youtube

Free seminars (Amy McCready)

Books:

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So kids Will Talk by Adele Faber

Positive Discipline Parenting Tools Workbook, by Jane Nelsen

No-Drama Discipline by Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson (and the WORKBOOK)

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr. Laura Markham

Which tool to use?

With parenting, the “what” is usually easier to figure out than the “how,” which requires ability to use different approaches.

It’s helpful to have different types of tools in your parenting toolbox. Positive discipline and methods we’ve discussed tonight are some tools -- Love & Logic; 1, 2, 3 Magic; Parent Guru; are other methods that work for people.

Conclusion:

From Pres Eyring:

Unity is necessary for us to have the Spirit in our class and in our family. But you know from experience, as I do, that such loving unity is hard to maintain. It takes having the Holy Ghost as a companion to open our eyes and temper our feelings.

I remember once a seven- or eight-year-old son of ours jumping on his bed hard enough that I thought it might break. I felt a flash of frustration, and I moved quickly to set my house in order. I grabbed my son by his little shoulders and lifted him up to where our eyes met.

The Spirit put words into my mind. It seemed a quiet voice, but it pierced to my heart: “You are holding a great person.” I gently set him back on the bed and apologized.

Now he has become the great man the Holy Ghost let me see 40 years ago. I am eternally grateful that the Lord rescued me from my unkind feelings by sending the Holy Ghost to let me see a child of God as He saw him.

Galatians 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance.