Objectives of discussion:
- Journey of understanding and becoming educated vs. being prescriptive; also not an academic review of stats and figures
- Create clear awareness of the issues
- Discovering what we know and what we don’t know; what we need to do to know more
- Become aware of tools that will provide an action plan
- Learn about specifics that address the issue
- Develop desire and confidence to put into action what we need to do
What is our response, feelings about these statements and words?
- Talking about the body and its functions
- Sexual development - emotional, biological, psychological, etc.
- Sexual activity, relations and intimacy
- Sexual content in media
- Youth protection - from physical, emotional and sexual abuse
- Pornography
- Internet safety
- Use of technology at work, school, home, etc.
- Managing the appropriate use of devices and screen time
- Talking openly and comfortably about these issues
- Talking to other adults about these issues
- Talking to children and teenagers about these issues
- Talking to my children and family about these issues
Feelings these questions can raise:
- Worry
- Anxiety
- Unprepared
- Concern
- Sense of urgency
There are tools to use to answer these difficult questions. These tools are at the same time useful and dangerous; they require training to be used safely and effectively.
Awareness of Planted Seeds in Ourselves: Awareness of the Seeds We Will Plant in Others
- “Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.”
First Theme: The FOUNDATION
Having and creating healthy views and feelings about: the body, sexual development, sexual activity, relations and intimacy
- How did your parents handle these issues for you? What worked vs what did not work well? (any seeds that have been planted in you)
- What adjectives do you hope you will be able to use to describe yourself when you talk to your children about these topics - including exposure to sexual content and imagery on the internet and in the media? (seeds you want to plant)
- What is important for your child to know about these topics - including how these issues are portrayed on the internet and in media?
- Is there a simplified message that will become a “good” seed?
What does inviting, safe, “at ease” messaging look and sound like?
- The difference between a one-time (or not often) conversation vs an ongoing dialogue
- What unintended messaging should we be conscious of?
- Useful tools and techniques:
- Using the right books and other resources (videos, etc.) to guide the dialogue
- Hypothetical questions that create a “safe” place
- Sharing your own experience
- Talking about events that are familiar in the family, in the news, etc.
- Talking about their experience, feelings, activities
Second Theme: Putting Our Minds at Ease: There are many tools and resources available to help us with these topics.
- LDS Tools and Resources
- A Parent’s Guide - https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng
- Internet and family safety - http://tech.lds.org/wiki/Family_Safety
- Overcoming Pornography - https://www.overcomingpornography.org/?lang=eng&cid=CN000035
- Common Sense Media - https://www.commonsensemedia.org/
- Boy Scouts of America -
- Cyber Chip Badge - http://www.scouting.org/cyberchip.aspx
- Books with Positive Reviews:
- 30 Days of Sex Talks
- Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Speiman
- It’s NOT the Stork! by Robie H. Harris
- Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept by Jayneen Sanders
- I Said No! By Zack and Kimberly King
- Good Pictures Bad Pictures by Kristen A. Jenson MA and Gail Poyner, PhD
Third Theme: Managing Screen Time
- Know your kids and know your values; be consistent
- Be age-appropriate aware
- Set clear family rules and stick to them
- Use technology to control media use
- Consume media together and use them as opportunities to teach and discuss
- Keep media out of bedrooms
- Keep informed on what the experts say
- Use good old fashioned story-telling, tapes, programs
For Discussion
- What are the biggest challenges to monitoring your kid’s screen time?
- How do you monitor screen time during play dates at your home? At others’ homes?
- What are ways to provide constructive reinforcement of the rules about device use?
- What is the difference between monitoring screen time vs. monitoring screen consumption?
- Do you monitor and set rules for your own screen time?
Consider coming up with a Media Use Family Contract - how are you going to responsibly use media
Fourth Theme: Educating and Protecting Against Exposure to Pornography (and other harmful content)
- “What should I do when I see pornography?” video - https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2015-08-001-what-should-i-do-when-i-see-pornography?lang=eng
- Call it what it is. (For example: “That’s pornography.” That’s immodest.”)
- Turn it off and turn away.
- Talk to a trusted adult.
- How can I keep conversations about healthy sexuality ongoing and open?
- Approach sexuality topic with openness, kindness, and understanding. Always be on the lookout for learning and teaching moments
- Be frank and honest. Y0u can help your children develop a sense of trust that allows them to come forward when they need help dealing with encounters and challenges with pornography.
- Prepare spiritually
- Introduce the doctrine
- Learn together
- Invite to act
Final Topic: Youth Protection
- Physical, emotional or sexual abuse
- Protection against (online or offline) predators
- Cyberbullying
- 5 Ways to Stop Cyberbullying - https://www.commonsensemedia.org/videos/5-ways-to-stop-cyberbullies-0
- From the BSA - recognize the signs of emotional, physiaal and/orsexual abuse; certain situations will require a duty to report
- Young people should have at least 5 identified trusted adults that they can talk freely about their feelings and problems. This network is a barrier to “grooming” by predators
- Check First: A child should know to get permission from their trusted adult before agreeing to go anywhere with another person.
- Be aware of the “Uh-Oh” Feeling - Trust your gut instinct: Go to a trusted adult if that feeling occurs when around others.
- Secrets and Surprises: Your child should know that it is NOT OK for people to ask them to keep secrets from your trusted adults. Your child should know that he/she can come to you with any info and you will still love and support him/her.
- Talk about touches and private parts. Call body parts by their appropriate names. Encourage your child to say NO and then to tell you if someone wants to touch or look at their private parts.
Closing: Moving Forward with Confidence
- Prepare Ourselves spiritually
- Know the doctrine
- Use resources that provide helpful tools and instruction
- Be mindful of the Spirit and your own messaging as you communicate about these topics with your family
- Create a comfortable, safe and “want to talk more” environment
- Learn, play and experience activities together
- Invite to act
- Continue the dialogue
- Rinse, and repeat.
