Parenting Series Notes 3/21: Spirituality in the home: how to effectively foster an environment of spiritual growth where it matters the most

How do our children love and care for each other?

Scripture study:

• consistency is most important - when doesn't matter just do it
• little kids: taught them how to read from scriptures
• have each family member read 1 verse
• no power struggles - give them the option but don't make them do it
• ask questions and help them think about it
• get together with other families and talk about what works and what doesn't work

Family Home Evening:

• 3 pillars (Taylors):
• Love - memories glue each other
• Structure - we are members of the church and will do what the church offers (seminary, activities) - you never know when some other persons might say something and change them forever
• Fun - always have something fun for FHE in addition to the spiritual message.
• Start with a prayer and end with a prayer. No matter what you are doing, call it FHE.
• Activities don’t just happen. It takes planning.
• Idea (Sara G.): introduce each person every FHE and give them a cheer
• FHE chart with assignments (song, prayer, lesson, activity, refreshment, joke):
• kids like to feel like they are apart of things with responsibilities
• keep kids involved by showering with love and getting them involved quickly in the lesson/activity
• Have kids take turns giving lessons from when they are young
• Prep kids ahead of time for FHE
• talk about what you are going to do - a great memory can come from anticipation for an activity and then end with talking about how great the activity was to end on a positive note

Other spiritual questions/ideas:

• Teach kids the hymns. They will remember them forever
• Figure out as a family what you want to stand for - have everyone contribute ideas and live by those things
• Review family motto often
• How did you help prepare for kids mission?
• One-on-one scripture reading between parent and teenager before they went to work

Some FHE ideas (Thomanders):

• Lessons:
• Scriptures: pick a chapter, read aloud around the circle and discuss as you go
• Family Home Evening manuals
• Nursery Manual
• Talks and lessons given or will be given at church
• Gospel Art Picture Kit
• Church publications: everyone chooses something to browse for 0 mins, then shares with group
• Activities for Monday Nights:
• Watch home movies and eat popcorn
• Talent night with other families
• Goal setting in Sept. or Jan. - video and watch one year later
• Learn new skills: manners - get video at library, do skits
• Write testimonies in Book of Mormon, wrap it up and give to a neighbor
• Invite RM for dinner who served in a foreign country, serve native food, learn some words, hear faith promoting story
• Crafts: make place cards for an upcoming holiday or company dinner
• Brazilian BBQ - lots of different meats and eat around fire with sticks
• Fireplace cooking - foil dinners, s’mores
• Make your own pizza: dough and toppings. Have lesson while its baking
• Group dinner: decide on a menu together and have everyone make one things, give generous praise
• singing : a cappella, or with instruments - piano, guitar, funky instruments like kazoos: hymns, primary songs, camp songs, song books
• Dance: put music on and everyone dance - dad and mom start
• Scrapbooking: everyone work together to update pictures into books
• journal/family history: choose a subject for everyone to write about to include in their scrapbooks
• Games
• Inside Group Games -Charades, heads up - 7up, board games, card games
• Name that tune - everyone choose a primary song or hymn, sing 3 notes, keep adding a note till it’s guessed
• Outside Group Games:
• Steal the bacon
• Mother May I
• Kick the Can
• Red Rover
• Not it
• Sardines
• Puzzles
• Excursions:
• City council and gelato
• Library
• Genealogy library
• Church gym: broom hockey, soccer, bball
• Ice skating
• Picnics in the park
• Scavenger hunt in the neighborhood
• Service:
• 30 min cleaning blitz for someone in need: new mother, shut-in
• Pulling weeds, mowing lawn for your home teacher
• Picking up litter
• Drop off cookies - ring doorbell and run
• Summertime:
• Meals on wheels - progressive dinner on bikes with 1-2 families
• Take train to Castro MT View south or Menlo Park - get out and explore
• Slumber party - all sleep together in tent/tramp in yard, build a fire and tell stories
• baseball/football in park/school, vball at Gunn with other families
• Mini golf, bowling, roller skating
• Foothills Park: hike, boat, fish, picnic
• Bike/drive to Gamble Gardens - look at veggies and flowers, bring picnic and dessert
• Bike on stanford campus, visit the tower
• Bike at shoreline
• Movie at stanford theatre
• Santa Cruz Boardwalk
• Half Moon Bay: bike/hike the spectacular trail along the cliff edge
• San Francisco: Land’s End Hike - start at Sutra Baths
• Golden Gate Park - playground, carousel
• Holidays
• Pumpkin and Christmas Carol - homemade donuts with toppings
• Make gingerbread houses out of graham crackers and lots of candy choices
• Blindfold kids, take them in car to see Santa or some winter wonderland delight
• Christmas on a Monday: Serve dinner at Glide Memorial Church to homeless (call ahead to reserve

Parenting Series Notes 3/14: Toddler troubles: Helpful hints for dealing with potty training, eating and sleep issues, tantrums and other battles

“You do not have to make your children into wonderful people. You only have to remind them that they are wonderful people. If you do this consistently from the day they are born they will believe it easily.”

We watched a film clip from The Miracle Worker when Helen Keller throws an endless and exhausting tantrum at dinner but Anne Sullivan did not give in to the poor behavior and after much effort, she taught Helen Keller how to sit and eat with a fork and fold a napkin.

Points to Remember as a parent:

• Repetition doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. You'll have to keep teaching. There is no single point of arrival. As soon as a problem will resolve itself another will come.

• Toddlers shouldn't get a bad wrap.
• Supposed to test limits and explore
• Goal: don’t put them in a rigid box

• Kids come with strong God-given personalities
• Kids are like orange juice concentrate - you have to keep stirring and adding water until the become sweet and well-balanced.
• Kids sense your energy. Stay in control - always evoke calm, assertive energy

WHAT TODDLERS NEED: Love Routine Consistency Repetition Praise Discipline Assurance

WHAT PARENTS NEED: Time Commitment Energy Patience Persistence Perspective

Things to think about and discuss with your partner:

• What qualities do we want our children to possess?
• How do we want it to feel in our home?
• What rules/expectations of behavior should we have for our children that will reflect our family culture and values?
• Brainstorm consequences, positive reinforcement techniques:
• Do some detective work:  When do you notice tantrums occurring the most?  What chronic naughty behavior do you want to tame?  What changes can you make in the environment to help your child make good choices?

Sleep:

• 1-3 year-olds need 12-14 hours
• 3-5 year-olds need 11-13 hours
• 5-10 year-olds need 10-11 hours
• 10-17 year-olds need 8.5-9.25 hours

Eating:

• Limit options - don't offer everything but serve a variety of healthy options
• Do your best to have the kids sit at the table to eat
• Calm/assertive - kitchen is the parent’s territory

Boundaries and discipline:

• Be a detective when kids are acting up. Evaluate and fine tune. Find out:
• have they eaten?
• Have the slept well?
• What friends have they been with?
• What show have they watched?
• Be consistent
• Get down on eye level to speak with children
• Use clear language when speaking and disciplining
• Don’t use a high voice
• Time outs
• Good rule of thumb is 1 minute per age of child
• Bedroom is typically not the best place for time out
• Kids should not be happy in time out
• Don’t start the time out until they have calmed down

Time out (minute per age, not in their room) - shouldn't be happy in time out - don't start time until they calm down - sand timers

Suzi and Gordon’s tips and tricks:

• Try again
• Mama’s hands are busy
• 54321
• One or none
• The happy way or the sad way
• Don’t ask yes or no questions when the child doesn’t have a choice
• Don’t lie (“monster spray”, “I’m going to leave without you”)
• Positive reinforcement as much as possible
• It’s okay to be shy, it’s not okay to be rude
• Portable consequences/time outs
• Don’t be embarrassed: you are a disciplined parent and are doing the right thing!
• Try not to compare:  have compassion for yourself and for your toddler
• Use detective work to help refine/readjust your child’s routine
• Find a village of people who can support you/self care
• Model respectful language between parent/child, child/sibling
• TEAMWORK
• CONSISTENCY
• Disciplined parent = disciplined child

References:

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, MD

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

* How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen:  A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 by Joanna Faber and Julie King

1-2-3 Magic:  3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting by Thomas Phelan

Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child:  The Heart of Parentingby John Gottman, Ph.D., Joan Declaire, and Daniel Goleman

The Explosive Child:  A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D.

Keys to Parenting Your Anxious Child by  Kathraina Manassis, M.D.

Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions:  Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Help Your Child Regulate Emotional Outbursts and Aggressive Behavior by Pat Harvey and Jeanine Penzo

Loving Solutions:  A Parent’s Guide to Raising Tough Kids, ages 5-10 Years by Ralph “Bud” Fry and Dr. Roger H. Morgan

Parent Education Classes at Children’s Health Council: chconline.org

* Haven’t read, so cannot personally recommend, but it might be worth checking out..

Building Faith- March 19, 2017

March 19, 2017

Ward Conference- Special Lesson by our Stake Relief Society President Sister Linebarger
"Building Faith"

Sister Linebarger began her lesson by describing the Millennium Tower in San Francisco. Although this skyscraper was claimed to be a luxury structure, it is now sinking and tilting. Many problems were overlooked as it was being built. The engineers and builders took structural shortcuts that have compromised the building. Now repairs must be made and secondary structural supports are being but in place to help straighten out the building and keep it from sinking and tilting any further.

Sister Linebarger likened the tilting skyscraper to our own lives. Many times we are building our towers and unforeseen trials shift and tilt us in our faith. We need various supports to help straighten us out and get us back on track.

Sister Linebarger also used Elder Rasband's talk as a guide from October 2016 General Conference titled, "Let Thou Forget."

Do you ever feel like you are sinking or tilting in your faith?

Why does our faith sometimes start to fail? Some ideas offered from our sisters:
-"Good things can distract us from better things". We must put our #1 priorities first
-We don't know how satan will come at us
-We think we are building up, but then real life hits and knocks us off center
-Complacency (We think we will never lose our faith, but we must be active our faith)
-External supports m ay fail
-We are tempted by things that test our faith. Some challenges we can anticipate, others we don't even know are coming. There are unforeseen challenges and twists we don't see coming
-Opinions of other people, popular opinion

Sister Linbarger shared a quote from Elder Rasband's talk where he related what he tells his friends who are struggling with their faith:  "I encouraged them, as I encourage you now, to recall, especially in times of crisis, when you felt the Spirit and your testimony was strong; remember the spiritual foundations you have built. I promise that if you will do this, avoiding things that do not build and strengthen your testimony or that mock your beliefs, those precious times when your testimony prospered will return again to your memory through humble prayer and fasting. I assure you that you will once again feel the safety and warmth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.''

How do we know if we are starting to sink or twist?
What tools do we have to help us know if we are straight or sinking?
-Stay close to the spirit
-Alma 5:26 "if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?"
-We may not feel so now, but the spirit can help us k now if we are sinking, tilting, or shifting (church leaders can help us have an eternal perspective and comprehensive view)
-Remember what the Lord has done for our ancestors. Recall stories of how they found the Lord and the sacrifices they made for their faith

If we are sinking or someone else we know/love is, what are things we can do to be an external support to them?
-Love them through their faith struggle
-Pray for them
-Strengthen yourself spiritually first
-Pray to serve and know those you visit teach, your love and friendship is more important than any lesson given
-listen without judgment to hear their heart, be friendly
-Discuss family history stories of trials with your children. Remind them they can do hard things

Elder Rasband mentions several ways to fortify ourselves:
* Ponder scriptures regularly, write down impressions and thoughts
*Attend church meetings, especially sacrament
*Partake of the sacrament and renew covenants
* Share your testimony and record it
*Never forget or ignore personal, sacred, spiritual experiences
*Do not forget your divine heritage, even in life greatest storms

We were challenged to DIG DEEPER! We must build our faith strong starting down at the bedrock.
What do you do to dig deeper?
-Eliminate distractions
-Make choices to give up things that take time away from your prayer and scriptures
-Pray (with listening!) like Enos who spent all day in fervent prayer
-Dig deeper as your study the scriptures and keep a notebook for thoughts and impressions
-We can fast with a dedication to focus our intentions and eliminate distractions
-Serve others
-Act on promptings, acting on a prompting will lead to more!
-Receive invitations and challenges to act