Parenting Series Notes 3/7: The Opposite of Spoiled - Teaching kids about work and money

Discussion:

We want kids to leave the house hard working who know how to use money and how to take care of themselves. Make a plan!

Whatever your plan is, the most important thing is that you're trying something. Kids need experiences learning the value of money, saving, and being generous. Your plan may need to be altered depending on the child, circumstances, and when you test what is and isn't working.

What do you want your children to know about work when they leave home?

Examples:

• Money doesn't grow on trees.
• Work is part of life and necessary.
• Rewards are linked to how hard you work. 
• It feels good to do a job well. 
• We value things that we work hard to get. 
• Everyone has to work.

When a child was asked about how he felt about the way his parents taught him finances, he was very grateful they had done something because he was empowered.

Thought questions: 

• What do your current practices with housework and chores teach your children about work?
• What do you want your children to understand about money when they leave home?
• What do you think your children currently understand about money? What is your current system teaching about the value of money, how money can be earned, etc.?

When making your plan, think about who pays for what?

• What kinds of things do you feel you should provide for your children?
• What kinds of things do you think your children currently need to earn and pay for themselves? (clothing, birthday gifts, toys, movie tickets, extracurricular activities, sharing cost of family vacation)
• When kids are older and can babysit and do other jobs in the community, does that change what you can expect them to pay for?
• Do you plan to provide a car, cell phone? What kind? How much will child pay for car insurance, gas, maintenance, etc.?

Family Work Assessment

• How do you train your children to do family work properly?
• How do you want to track completed work and make sure children know what is expected of them?
• What can you do to make work fun in your home and a relationship building activity?

How Your Children Get Money

• How will your children get the money they need to cover what you're requiring them to pay for?
• How much money should children earn or receive each week? How will you decide the amounts for different ages?
• How and when will children receive money they've earned? How will you track it? When will they be paid?
• will it be actual or virtual money?
• At what age or stage will they open up a bank account?
• Will you pay interest?
• How do you help guide children on how money is spent? How will you help them learn about saving?

Provide ways to get money:

• allowance/share of family budget
• earned income 

Purpose of your family economy

• set up a micro economy in your home that teaches real world economic principles in a safe environment
• give children practice handling money- small mistakes now may prevent big mistakes later
• Mistakes are the best teachers
• "Learn while they're under your roof and not in your basement!" - Katherine 
• give children a sense of ownership for their spending choices and help them lose the feeling of entitlement
• Let kids make decisions about money now to make them more prepared. Having ownership over money now makes them feel less entitled now and later.
• Give kids a reason to want/need money. 
• Give your kids an idea early about what they will be required to pay for (college, mission)

Things to Remember:

• Many of these "teaching moments" (i.e. cleaning the house as a family, doing chores, helping kids manage money) can be stressful and contentious and it is easy to give up. We need to remember we are teaching our children to be adults and we are teaching the value of work. BE CONSISTENT with the plan you make.
• Be a team! Show empathy when mistakes are made but have kids accept consequences. 
• Example: daughter got in a fender bender and made the decision to pay for the damager herself because it was her own mistake. She felt no anger at her parents because her parents showed empathy. They were a team.
• Example: son had earned money for his own bike. He forgot to lock it up at school and came home sad because it was gone. Luckily the custodian had locked it up in his closet and son got his bike back. However, he learned to take much better care of the bike and always lock it up.

References:

Entitlement Trap by Richard Eyre and Linda Eyre

The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money by Ron Lieber